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Shraddha Walkar case: Why women fail to come out of an abusive relationship
‘I will chop you into pieces, Aftab had threatened Shraddha two years ago’, ‘Shraddha Walkar Murder: 5 sharp-edged knives recovered from Aaftab’s house’, ‘Delhi court sends Aftab to 5-day police custody’, ‘Aftab and Shraddha fought over expenses before murder, cops find blood stains in kitchen’, ‘Aftab dated other women in his house with Shraddh’s body parts inside the refrigerator’, ‘Aftab admits to watching Drishyam movie during polygraph test’— do the above sentences look familiar to you?
These are news headlines coming on the newspaper, television, internet, social media and everywhere else since the last couple of weeks. The ghastly Shraddha Walkar murder case, where Shraddha’s live-in partner Aftab Poonawalla murdered her and chopped her body into 35 pieces has shaken the entire nation.
With the victim Shraddha Walkar being in a live-in relationship with her murderer Aftab Poonawalla, questions are even being raised on inter-faith marriages and live-in relationships.
International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women
The United Nations has designated November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. On this day, The CSR Journal talks to Psychologist Manjari Sinha to understand why women often fail to come out of a toxic, abusive relationship. Manjari is a Rehabilitation Psychologist, currently working as a teacher and counselor at Ashok Hall Girls’ Residential School, Ranikhet, Uttarakhand.
Why women can’t come out of abusive relationship
Explaining the same, Manjari told The CSR Journal, “Even in our surroundings we find people like this who are into an abusive relationship, who know that this is not good for him or her, yes it is true even for men. It is in our psyche that there is a constant and severe need of attention and pleasure seeking, which we are not ready to let go of. This can be traced back to a person’s childhood, how the childhood has been, how he/she was treated as a child, why the person feels the need to stick to an abusive partner. Many of us are not ready to let go of something which might be harmful for us just because we are getting attention.”
“Sometimes the person denies it; sometimes they try to talk to the abuser and try to explain, sometimes, they find faults within themselves. Yet, they know deep down that something wrong is happening with them but despite that they lack the strength to come out of it.” she added.
Marriage or live-in?
The Shraddha Walkar case has led to people questioning the credibility of live-in relationships, something which already the conservative-minded Indian society doesn’t fully approve till date.
Commenting on the same, the Uttarakhand-based Psychologist expressed, “Marriage is nothing but a social construct. The laws and rules of this social construct have been made by us and most of them are patriarchal. Even when a couple is not in a live-in relationship, in their mind don’t they already start living together? So live in is nothing but just two people living together who are in love and wish to spend their life together. In a live-in relationship, if things don’t work out, it’s easier to part ways as compared to marriage which involves a lengthy legal process of divorce. But I don’t think the Indian society is fully ready to accept alive-in relationship. Because, in our mind, somehow not all of us can step out of the conservative mindset till now. Hence, people are saying this. But don’t we see domestic violence happening after marriage? Don’t we read reports of dowry deaths every single day?”